i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
