If i come over, it means nothing
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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