I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You did what with his pubic hair?
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