At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
