Im at strip club and am horny
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize