dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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