The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
that may or may not have been my penis.
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