dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
