his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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