Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
