Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
