I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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