I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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