Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
