my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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