you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
