You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
