she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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