I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
