I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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