I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You need a sexual gate keeper
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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