that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We got so high we made milksteak
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
