Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
