did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
