So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
