A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
