I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize