Michael Bay diarrhea
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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