Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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