Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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