So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
