I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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