I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
