I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
