Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
