Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
