I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
