she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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