You just made me feel so damn special
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
