I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize