Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
