dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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