who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It's just like the Real World with babies
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
