Where did you get a picture of my penis
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
