it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
