I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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