He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
