One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
