i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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