i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize