I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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