Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize