Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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