I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
