I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
