They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
