Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
