I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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