I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
