I am spending my child support on dildos
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
my poor anus
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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