Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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