You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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