Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize