Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
