found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
