We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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