Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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