My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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