You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
